When crisis comes...

Probably it has happened to each of us. Moment when we realize the life is not just a pleasant walk in the park, but sometimes instead of going straight easy way we need to climb a hill or rather big mountain. But time to time during this hike it seems that whatever we do, does not help and we are just staying at the same place and nothing is helping us to reach the end. Hereat it would just help us to remember the old advice to give our troubles infront of God, but to remember and actually do it is so hard sometimes. 

That is how I felt last month, when I had to forget about all the hardships and happy moments of the life and focus to my studies, because I was re-taking three exams during August. So I went to my job, met with people and dealt with the question what to do with our life but most of all I had to study. I have experienced my first and hopefully last vacation studying for my exams. It should not be probably confusing for me by now, how the Devel is useing every failure and fall to remind me that I am not worth anything and nothing I will do in my life has any point. But may be that is why God was talking to me through the David´s 16th psalm during that time:

 Keep me safe, my God, for in you I take refuge.

I say to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing."

I say of the holy people who are in the land, "They are the noble ones in whom is all my delight."

Those who run after other gods will suffer more and more.

I will not pour out linations of blood to such gods or take up their names on my lips.

Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure.

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.

i will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. 

I keep my eyes always on the Lord.

With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. 

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, nor will you let your faithful one see decay.

You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal preasures at your right hand.

I have realized, how encouraging it is, but in the same time this is my hope, that those words will be true in my life. And that is why even though all my exam did not ended how I would like them to, it is up to me to trust God, that He will use my effords and time I have given to my school, work, ministry and every other thing.   

Do I belong somewhere?

Sometimes life is not so easy-going as it might seem to the people around us. I have witness this so many times in the past. One thing interesting about moving is, everytime you need to find your place in the society once  again. I do not know how about you, but I have this need to fit in, to be the part that everyone will miss if I will leave, to pass on something memorable. But why? What is my motive?

I think it is all connected with the fact, that we were created as social creatures. We need people around us. Even those who are one hundred percent convinced they do not eventually find out that is not true. When we are alone we at least create our imaginary friends. Sure I have God with me always but I also need community and the place I know I belong to. But is this even possible to find on this earth?

At the begining of this year I have decided to stay in Žilina. I had and still have no idea for how long God called me to stay here. But the good thing is He did called me and gave me awesome opportunity to minister His daughters around me. It is not always just fun. I am experiencing times when we share sadness but also joyful moments or just emotionless moments of stillness. Though I have had all this, there are periods I am not sure if I belong here fully. When I just want to flee and move to the next place, meet new people, experience new adventures, but hey that is not what I am supposed to do, right. This kind of restless heart does not build the community in the church as we are all called to do. So I am so many times reminded of my new year´s verse I picked for the 2014, that by myself I will never be able to do so much as with people around me:

Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. John 15:4

This is something I am learning this year. To fight the urge to escape from something I am building and instead to enjoy being part of the community God has provided for me.