God cares

This morning when I woke up one of the first thing I saw was a little fold we had given to our girls last year during the small group. As you can see, it inspired me for the title of this entry. Because it sais: 

Rejoice in God and he will give you what your heart longs for.

That also remind me all I am going through and the fact I did not write here for such a long time anything about me, so lets set it right.

During the last month, I think it was October, I had so many things to figure out. Most likely because my school started and I, as a hardworking student, was learning not just at the school but also at home. We also started small groups again to replace the classical youth group meetings and we also started to have regular evening youth services to have the opportunity to spend time together as a group. Small groups are great thing not just because you have an opportunity to share more deeply about your life but also because you can adjust them to the group needs. The problem sometimes is when people start to have a feeling that we canceled the regular meetings so they have free time instead. Then there is a challenge for the leaders to explain the reality and the rule that you cannot change things acording to everybodies needs. As I have written earlier I am really happy to be part of this ministry and I was looking forward to the fresh start whole summer. Who would say it will take two months. But I believe God blessed us and it tought us a valuablelesseon not just girls but also us as leaders. 

At the same time I have realized, how hard it is sometimes to combine all aspects of my life, when I do not to skip any neither scamp them. Even more when they are not at the same place but at four different places :D

Though I said yesterday that from the human perspective I do not have time to live my life, this morning I was reminded how God cares about me and really if I put Him to the first place and I will rejoice in Him (super abstract but so concrete and inevitable thing) He will give me all that my heart longs for. After all you know me well, I hate sitting at home doing nothing... and I can say with a clear concience, I do not even remember the last time I did that. So I am just looking forward to all interesting things that are prepared for me in the next months...

 

New beginings

Beginings. What a wonderful time. Possibility to start over with a clear sheet. Chance to set a goal, plan the way and then all it is left is to step forth... if only it would be so easy and happy.

For some of you it may be a surprise, for others it is an old story, but I just love this period, when something new begins. To specify it: September, January and then also the months when the new semesters begin. Those are the moments for me when I try to stop for a while, evaluate past events and re-think my priorities and plans for next couple months. It is not alway a happy stop, because, it seems, I am not perfect, so I had found out so many times I was not able to accoplish what I wanted, but sometimes I moved somewhere else, somewhere I would never be able to plan or even think of.

You could object, making too detailed plans is not always the best, because where is the space for God and also some flexibility would not hurt, right? Well both of this objections have some point and truthfully I have experienced the meaningless attempts to plan without God´s leadership. But also that it is crutial to be able to adapt during the unexpected circumstances. Nevertheless I am quite sure, without planning. evaluation, improvements and celebrations from the outcome we would not be able to accoplish as much as with it. And what more if we recognize the power, God has given to us, then it is something else!

The last month was in this spirit for me. I have realized, how greatful I am for Gods care. He is not giving me just everything I need but also things I do not recognize I could possibly ever need. I also tried to figure out what is my actual state of beeing, what I need to change, how to set things right and organize things for the future. You know, for me it is quite easy to create some system, chart, list, but I also know how frustrating it is when after some time you find out you are not able to follow your own rules. So I should probably learn from that and stop creating them but on the other hand I think it is always good to be able to go back and see what I wanted to accomplish and more importantly why and figure out some strategy, doable in the ideal world, how to get to the goal.  I am really curious, how will it end this time, but I believe, if my goals will copy the right set priorities, God will show me the direction to know the way and then during the next evaluation I will have reasons to celebrate and I will not have to languish for my weaknesses and inability to reach the goal. We will see...

When crisis comes...

Probably it has happened to each of us. Moment when we realize the life is not just a pleasant walk in the park, but sometimes instead of going straight easy way we need to climb a hill or rather big mountain. But time to time during this hike it seems that whatever we do, does not help and we are just staying at the same place and nothing is helping us to reach the end. Hereat it would just help us to remember the old advice to give our troubles infront of God, but to remember and actually do it is so hard sometimes. 

That is how I felt last month, when I had to forget about all the hardships and happy moments of the life and focus to my studies, because I was re-taking three exams during August. So I went to my job, met with people and dealt with the question what to do with our life but most of all I had to study. I have experienced my first and hopefully last vacation studying for my exams. It should not be probably confusing for me by now, how the Devel is useing every failure and fall to remind me that I am not worth anything and nothing I will do in my life has any point. But may be that is why God was talking to me through the David´s 16th psalm during that time:

 Keep me safe, my God, for in you I take refuge.

I say to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing."

I say of the holy people who are in the land, "They are the noble ones in whom is all my delight."

Those who run after other gods will suffer more and more.

I will not pour out linations of blood to such gods or take up their names on my lips.

Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure.

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.

i will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. 

I keep my eyes always on the Lord.

With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. 

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, nor will you let your faithful one see decay.

You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal preasures at your right hand.

I have realized, how encouraging it is, but in the same time this is my hope, that those words will be true in my life. And that is why even though all my exam did not ended how I would like them to, it is up to me to trust God, that He will use my effords and time I have given to my school, work, ministry and every other thing.   

Do I belong somewhere?

Sometimes life is not so easy-going as it might seem to the people around us. I have witness this so many times in the past. One thing interesting about moving is, everytime you need to find your place in the society once  again. I do not know how about you, but I have this need to fit in, to be the part that everyone will miss if I will leave, to pass on something memorable. But why? What is my motive?

I think it is all connected with the fact, that we were created as social creatures. We need people around us. Even those who are one hundred percent convinced they do not eventually find out that is not true. When we are alone we at least create our imaginary friends. Sure I have God with me always but I also need community and the place I know I belong to. But is this even possible to find on this earth?

At the begining of this year I have decided to stay in Žilina. I had and still have no idea for how long God called me to stay here. But the good thing is He did called me and gave me awesome opportunity to minister His daughters around me. It is not always just fun. I am experiencing times when we share sadness but also joyful moments or just emotionless moments of stillness. Though I have had all this, there are periods I am not sure if I belong here fully. When I just want to flee and move to the next place, meet new people, experience new adventures, but hey that is not what I am supposed to do, right. This kind of restless heart does not build the community in the church as we are all called to do. So I am so many times reminded of my new year´s verse I picked for the 2014, that by myself I will never be able to do so much as with people around me:

Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. John 15:4

This is something I am learning this year. To fight the urge to escape from something I am building and instead to enjoy being part of the community God has provided for me.

Exam period

I do not know what you think of, reading the title of this post. Probably if you are university student you are thinking about the unpopular period around new years eve or the beginning of the summer, when your time is divided between studying, food, procrastination and for the happier of us also sleep. Nevertheless this is not the only period full of exams. The lifelong exam period is here non stop. I have always thought life is contained of different stages, that I still believe, but I do not neccessary think they need to take turns from the period of peace and happiness to the one full of restlessness and trials.

When I left to serve in Slovakia as a volunteer one of the most interesting and didacting times were thouse when I had time to think about the life and the meaning of my activities and the things I would like to accomplish in life. I can tell that from the time I was a little girl I have always known I hate doing things just that they would be done or to make money. I have always wanted to do things with the higher purpose. Growing up I realized only God can provide me such a assurance, with His plan for my life. And also I have thought there will be kind of accessories such as fulfillment, peace and happiness naturally going with it. When I was leaving to Slovakia that was clear God´s calling for me. Well you do not very often after the request: "God, please, show me your will for my future." get an e-mail sending you abroad. And after three months you feel like you are serving to this people with this team of people at least for three years. But somehow I was missing this accessories, I was expecting will come with God´s calling for free. Where were the peace and happiness? I do not want to say I was living in the constant uncertainty or that I was unhappy, not at all, but I had this feeling I want more. I was thinking about it for a long time, wasn´t it just that I have to high expectation or was it my unstopable dissatisfaction with everything? I think it was none of that. After few weeks of prayers and conversations I have found out one thought that I want to share with you:

"We need the holy dissatisfaction in our life, that would force us to want to grow more into the image of Christ."

It means, it is impossible to find the satisfaction, because He was perfect and that is not likely to achieve. That is why it is importatnt not to stop praying, that God would constantly change us into His image.

You may ask why am I writhing this now, that you would prefer some news from the last few months, but this is exactly what I have realized again. During the june when I had exams in school, my personal trials in life and I had the feeling that nothing in my life make sence, that I am studing just to be someone, having no time to serve in the process, had no passion to read, pray or do anything with God and I had so many things to solve I realized the danger of the artificial satisfaction, that I though I had had before all those problems. I found out the importance of the community, people who know you and see when something is wrong and are here to help and encourage you but also the fact I really really need to go back to God and ask Him for help. That does not mean everything will be easy but at least I will not do things just from my own power but from His power, and I can tell you that is something else :)

Is she still alive?!

During the last almost a year I had so many things to pray for, to do, to decide that my life was just devided between me working on those things or sleeping no blogging allowed. It was great time though because I have learnt so many things...

For example to continue with what I have started before if it was good. So here I am again to share with you all how my life, ministry, work and other things are going on. 

I have decided to separate english from czech and slovak because it started to be a bit hard  to separate those languages in my mind, so at least I need to start somewhere. So please be patient with me when I will confuse those. No I am kidding I do not think it is the case here. 

So what happend to that Ali you have known? She has moved to Slovakia, started to serve girls from the high school, work in the Kompas (partner organization of Josiah Venture), study in Czech again and lots of other things. But she/ I will tell you more next time...