Exam period

I do not know what you think of, reading the title of this post. Probably if you are university student you are thinking about the unpopular period around new years eve or the beginning of the summer, when your time is divided between studying, food, procrastination and for the happier of us also sleep. Nevertheless this is not the only period full of exams. The lifelong exam period is here non stop. I have always thought life is contained of different stages, that I still believe, but I do not neccessary think they need to take turns from the period of peace and happiness to the one full of restlessness and trials.

When I left to serve in Slovakia as a volunteer one of the most interesting and didacting times were thouse when I had time to think about the life and the meaning of my activities and the things I would like to accomplish in life. I can tell that from the time I was a little girl I have always known I hate doing things just that they would be done or to make money. I have always wanted to do things with the higher purpose. Growing up I realized only God can provide me such a assurance, with His plan for my life. And also I have thought there will be kind of accessories such as fulfillment, peace and happiness naturally going with it. When I was leaving to Slovakia that was clear God´s calling for me. Well you do not very often after the request: "God, please, show me your will for my future." get an e-mail sending you abroad. And after three months you feel like you are serving to this people with this team of people at least for three years. But somehow I was missing this accessories, I was expecting will come with God´s calling for free. Where were the peace and happiness? I do not want to say I was living in the constant uncertainty or that I was unhappy, not at all, but I had this feeling I want more. I was thinking about it for a long time, wasn´t it just that I have to high expectation or was it my unstopable dissatisfaction with everything? I think it was none of that. After few weeks of prayers and conversations I have found out one thought that I want to share with you:

"We need the holy dissatisfaction in our life, that would force us to want to grow more into the image of Christ."

It means, it is impossible to find the satisfaction, because He was perfect and that is not likely to achieve. That is why it is importatnt not to stop praying, that God would constantly change us into His image.

You may ask why am I writhing this now, that you would prefer some news from the last few months, but this is exactly what I have realized again. During the june when I had exams in school, my personal trials in life and I had the feeling that nothing in my life make sence, that I am studing just to be someone, having no time to serve in the process, had no passion to read, pray or do anything with God and I had so many things to solve I realized the danger of the artificial satisfaction, that I though I had had before all those problems. I found out the importance of the community, people who know you and see when something is wrong and are here to help and encourage you but also the fact I really really need to go back to God and ask Him for help. That does not mean everything will be easy but at least I will not do things just from my own power but from His power, and I can tell you that is something else :)